Tonight Only! Mr. “Caesar the Pleaser” Himself… Caleb Calico!

(muted trumpet) Let me tell all you people, young and old About a new game in town for the brave and the bold Set down your drinks, and finish that chronic It’s a lesson in stomach-churning e-co-nomics Have you seen a placenta? An afterbirthday cake? It looks like a bloody, gray, veiny steak Check it out, pal, unless of course you’re lame You won’t believe me when I tell you it came out of a dame Well here’s the fun part, Mac, if you’re short on dough Make a wager with Paige or Tom or Swanee or Joe Say, “Step right up, and take a bite of this thing If you stop yourself from chuckin’ up, I’ll double your bling” The squares will say they stray away from byproducts of human So get inventive with incentive, let them add a little cumin Will they throw down a C-note? A Jefferson or Abe? Either way, I gotta say, it’s easy money, babe So have yourself a thrill, and find yourself a sucker Someone who’ll lose his cool when he tastes that fucker Take the money, the placenta, your pride and then blow Now, if that ain’t fun, then I ain’t… Caleb Caaaaa-liiii-cooooo!

What Human Beings are Like

I was in Trader Joe’s today and I saw a woman with a small, deformed arm holding packaged sushi and reading the label. I wanted some packaged sushi, and when she put that package back on the shelf, uninterested, I purposefully avoided buying the one she had touched.