Monthly Archives: May 2013

The United States of America

My name is Walter Stanley. I live in a free country, and it is against the law to make me listen to Tom Petty. It is even more against the law to make me listen to Steve Miller or The Eagles.

One thing that sounds worse than The Eagles is when I forget to buy the staple-free scrotum staples.

In the United States of America, it is illegal to do certain stuff. A lot of these laws are about zoning stipulations, but if you round it off, the rest of them are about Steve Miller, and punching DJs.

I’m very cool. My girlfriend plays drums in the all-female tribute to Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience.

Steve Miller, Joe Walsh, and Tom Petty all came to my house last night. It was not fun and nobody asked for an autograph.

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