Monthly Archives: August 2011

Tonight Only! Mr. “Caesar the Pleaser” Himself… Caleb Calico!

(muted trumpet)

Let me tell all you people, young and old
About a new game in town for the brave and the bold
Set down your drinks, and finish that chronic
It’s a lesson in stomach-churning e-co-nomics

Have you seen a placenta? An afterbirthday cake?
It looks like a bloody, gray, veiny steak
Check it out, pal, unless of course you’re lame
You won’t believe me when I tell you it came out of a dame

Well here’s the fun part, Mac, if you’re short on dough
Make a wager with Paige or Tom or Swanee or Joe
Say, “Step right up, and take a bite of this thing
If you stop yourself from chuckin’ up, I’ll double your bling”

The squares will say they stray away from byproducts of human
So get inventive with incentive, let them add a little cumin
Will they throw down a C-note? A Jefferson or Abe?
Either way, I gotta say, it’s easy money, babe

So have yourself a thrill, and find yourself a sucker
Someone who’ll lose his cool when he tastes that fucker
Take the money, the placenta, your pride and then blow
Now, if that ain’t fun, then I ain’t…

Caleb Caaaaa-liiii-cooooo!


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What Human Beings are Like

I was in Trader Joe’s today and I saw a woman with a small, deformed arm holding packaged sushi and reading the label. I wanted some packaged sushi, and when she put that package back on the shelf, uninterested, I purposefully avoided buying the one she had touched.


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