I Can Benchpress Fats Waller. I Can Benchpress Casey at the Bat.

I’m so fucking strong my dick is bigger than nicotine. I work out so often I am the event horizon.

Do not talk to me unless you are mutton. Vegetable? Extraneous “E”? I snort protein powder and have never even met pencil.

I’m quite dizzy and feel jaded. This is awful and I hate it. I’ll just kick this thing, then do the next action that makes sense after that…

This expensive thing is now broken, and there is no relief. I am made out of meat, so no one talks to me as they talk to other people. I am better at 513 things than Fats Waller. I could have written Casey at the Bat, but there are things more interesting than baseball now.

There’s a Beefheart song about this, but neither of us will figure out which one.

A: The world is your oyster.
B: I’m an accountant.
A: The world is your very boring oyster.

1 Comment

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One response to “I Can Benchpress Fats Waller. I Can Benchpress Casey at the Bat.

  1. Oi! ster the pot o’ beef, captain!

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