“What a Cat is,” a Dissertation by T.F. Grundle

A housecat is a tiny, domesticated lion that we keep in our homes. It’s not mean like a lion, and it won’t try to eat you, but it definitely has a lion-like walk and a lionish face. If you ever see a cat, you just might start busting up laughing right there on the spot, screaming very loudly, “It’s so tiny!”

Much too tiny to be a lion. That’s when you know you’ve found a housecat, which typically looks like this or this.

Most varieties of cat were bred in the UK, which makes sense because Britons like silly things. They like to drink hot stuff that doesn’t have very much caffeine or alcohol in it, and they only laugh when men dress as ladies. Otherwise, they are quite composed, perceptive and intuitive, affectionate and docile, occasionally shedding their fur and bathing themselves with their own tongues, and… Say! If a Briton is not unlike a cat!

Because of cat’s composed nature, people are often quick to assume he would not be a valuable asset during wartime, but in actuality the cat was bred specifically for its strength and courage, so it could rid people’s homes of mice.

In fact, a dental surgeon named Lytle S. Adams submitted a plan to the U.S. government in the ’40s to use cats as effective explosive devices against the Japanese. His ingenious plan was to attach tiny bombs to the cats and drop them on villages in the night, where they would stealthily prowl among the enemy, undetected. When the sun would come up, the nocturnal cats would naturally fly over to the nearest attic to hibernate, thus placing themselves in the perfect position for the time bombs to be detonated and… Oh, wait, I’m misreading this. It seems Dr. Adams actually used bats in these experiments.

Oh well, I feel too lazy to go back and change that last paragraph. Haha! Why, if I haven’t a bit of the old feline lethargy in myself! Well then, so be it: Cheerio, gov’na!

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One response to ““What a Cat is,” a Dissertation by T.F. Grundle

  1. Pingback: Carnival for Pet Writers | PETS -N- THINGS ONLINE

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